Message In A Bottle #1

Dr. Joe Grillo

I’m stressed out!  That's something I've heard too often from people in my practice, and it seems more and more common these days.  Yet, what do we mean when we say we are stressed out?  It can be any number of different things.  For example, one person feels stress because they have too busy a work day, putting in more hours than is healthy for them to do and without taking sufficient breaks for self-care.  Another person is stressed because they are looking at their social media from morning till night.  In addition, all of us have been stressed by the changes in our lives that have occurred because of the pandemic.  

In each example, there has been a change: from a reasonable work schedule to overwork; from staying in touch with others to never being disconnected; from going about our daily lives to staying six feet apart and wearing a mask.  And then there is getting blindsided: changes that occur not because of something we are doing but that just happen, such as a sudden serious illness or the death of someone we love.

Change is the operative word when considering stress.  In my practice, I have found a general rule to be helpful: All change leads to loss; all loss leads to stress.  

Some losses we cannot control; others we can.  In the case of a personal loss, such as that of a loved one or of our job, getting help in dealing with the grief process can help shorten the duration of the stress we are experiencing.  For the changes we can control, we can do an inventory of and assess our current state of self-care.  Are we getting some regular exercise?  We know what we ought to eat, but are we sticking to a healthy diet?  Are we setting limits on being wired up to the Internet or have we become techno junkies who are playing games, reading the news headlines, or following our social media feeds until well into the night when we ought to be sleeping?  

Once we've done that, we can begin to make choices about how to de-stress ourselves.  It may be as simple as going for a brisk walk each day, incorporating more fruits and veggies into our meals, or setting a limit on our social media time.

We also can be proactive by engaging in what is now called mindfulness.  Whether it is doing meditation, yoga, deep breathing, or writing a gratitude journal, any activity that grounds us in the present moment and takes us away from past and future issues likely will be beneficial.  

Some mindful practices have been used for millennia.  There is a lot of anecdotal information that they're effective and work, but is there any science behind all this?  Well, a look at the research that has been done on various mindfulness practices paints a pretty decent picture.  In general, mindfulness seems to be helpful for stress reduction.  Basically, the thought is that such techniques work on soothing the autonomic nervous system, the part of the wiring inside of us that runs things on automatic, like heartbeat and respiration.  Apparently, the more we calm and soothe that part of our neurological functioning, the better off we seem to be at fighting the daily stressors that seem to inevitably come our way (even when there isn't a pandemic).  

Practices such as diaphragmatic breathing appear to help counter the overproduction of stress hormone in our bodies, and it is the presence of those chemicals that most of us experiences as stress.  They were designed to protect us (i.e., fight; flight; or freeze) in times of danger, but these days can be present when there is no immediate risk.  We also know that the long-term chronic presence of excess stress hormone in our system is not good for cardiovascular functioning among other things.  

Taking a break to do a mindful practice creates a kind of mini vacation, and this can be an important part of self-care.  If you are a productivity junkie, you might consider that short breaks may actually make you more productive once you're done.  That is, you invest a little time to de-stress, and afterwards have more energy to tackle the tasks before you.  

My personal experience is that an easy and effective way to do this is to watch a relaxing video while I do deep breathing.  There is something grounding about watching a video of the ocean, the surf coming in and out, the roll of the foam on the beach, and the splash on the rocks.  This serves as a great vehicle for relaxation, since watching the pattern of the waves helps me to focus myself in the present moment and to let go of mental clutter, making it easy, then, to coordinate my breathing to the rhythm of the waves.

So, think about giving it a try: get comfortable in a chair; go to YouTube and turn on the channel Relax.Escape.20; and take a mindful break.  You may be surprised at how much less stress you feel!

Joseph Grillo, Ph.D. is a Psychologist based in Los Angeles, CA who works with individuals and consults to government agencies on mental health and wellness.  He has been in practice for more than 25 years.